So since I don't have a personal blog... or a diary any more this will have to be my substitute. This blog has nothing to do with our photography business.... more of the photographers themselves. I'm sure some people will read this and roll their eyes, and others may cry. A few of you may think we are completely ridiculous to be this upset over a dog, but I don't care. Roxy was part of our family so she deserves this. So here it goes.
Roxanne Heart Ohnsman (Roxy) was born on July 31st, 2008. Mark and I had just gotten married a few months prior and had been searching for a doggie. We had just started our married life in a new apartment and knew that we wanted a dog so bad, specifically a Yorkie. We searched and searched.... and ran into scam after scam and having no luck. Finally one evening in September I was looking at the ads online... and there was an ad for 12 week Yorkie puppies for sell. Mark got home from his late shift and I told him about the ad. They were a little more than we wanted to spend, but we wanted one so bad we were willing to raise our budget. (I'm so glad we did). We called the lady and she said come on over. We ran to McDonalds for dinner and made our way to Caldwell. We get to the ladies house and are greeted by two bigger yorkies, and we were both thinking there's no way these could be puppies. So the lady than told us those were her doggies and took us to the puppy pin. Where there were 6-7 puppies of two different ages. There were the 12 week puppies (which were adorable) and 3 8 week puppies. Mark and I already knew we wanted to name our dog Roxy (from Chicago/ Moulon Rouge) we just had to find a puppy that fit that name. I picked up one of the 12 weeks and she was a little wiggly. Mark picked up an 8 week old puppy and held her in his arms as she curled up and fell asleep. My heart sank, this was our dog! This was Roxy. We asked the lady if we could purchase one of the 8 week olds, she was a little hesitant because she was so young. The lady was actually selling them from a friend of hers and Roxy's litter was the last litter the dogs would have. The lady's friend lived far away so Roxy had already been stripped from her mom and dad (which we have a pictures of). She gave us some tips on raising such a little one and said if we were comfortable she would agree to it. We had to get cash so we rushed down to Albertsons and took as much as cash out as we needed, running to the car because it was dark now and we didn't want anything to happen to this money. We went to get our puppy, our baby girl. We were so excited we wanted to share the news with someone. So we called my parents and played a mean trick...I asked my mom, "Do you know of any good baby doctors?" The phone went silent. Than I started laughing and told her we bought a dog and if we could bring her over. So we did. We put Roxy on the kitchen floor of my parents house where she looked like a big hamster, weighing in at 1.8 lbs. We also had no dog stuff, so we had to go to Walmart where we snuck her in (she could fit in Mark's jacket) to buy her a bed, toys, food, etc. She met her first friend headgehog.
These pictures were taken days after we got her. I remember thinknig that her ears were too big, and I hoped she grew into them,
That night when we brought her home to our apartment, I was so terrifed to let her sleep alone that I asked Mark if she could sleep with us. I laid her on my chest because I was so worried of her getting rolled on. I didn't want her to spend her first night in a new place alone away from her brother and sister. Like puppies and babies she whimpered in the middle of the night, and occassionally she needed to pee. The routine began.
So we took Roxy to the vet the next day to get her checked out, since she was a new puppy we were advised to do this. It turns out she had a mild case of worms. So the vet prescribed her some meds. We didn't care we loved her so much we couldn't give her back now. So we threw down a few $100.
I remember one night where she was whining so much in the middle of the night, and I was so tired. I sat on the bathroom floor crying because I didn't know what she wanted. This was also a realization to me that Mark and I were definately not ready for children.
One night Mark and I got into a fight (If you know us we rarely fight, if anything we disagree on things but we were newly married and still adjusting to a puppy). Mark said he was going to sleep in the truck, to this day I'm still not sure why... because we had a good couch. Once again I sat in the bathroom crying and Roxy came over to comfort me. I held her so tight, because I was so upest that Mark and I were fighting. Don't worry we made up before I made Mark sleep in his truck or the couch.
We used to take her to Petsmart all the time, because that's what you do when you live five minutes away from it and you have a dog. We saw that they were doing training lessons, and thought oh that would be perfect. So we enrolled Roxy (she was maybe 10-12 weeks old). We met Sandra, the dog trainer. Roxy fell in love with Sandra, and at first Mark and I didn't necessicarly take training seriously so Roxy barely passed. Sandra encouraged us to do the second training session, becasue she thought Roxy would really benefit from it. So we did. I mean she was our child, so that's what you do is spend money right. We were so dedicated that we went to PetSmart practicing so Roxy would succeed in the class. She in fact was one of the top of her class. We were so proud of her. Sandra than told us about her tricks class she was gong to put on and how we should do it. Mark and I talked it over and decided that would be fun. (this was months later mind you). This is where she learned how to say her prayers, take a bow, jump through hoops, weave in and out of your legs, play dead. I'm sure many of you had seen her tricks. She was such a smart dog.
Roxy during her training.
When we got Roxy fixed, there's always a little fear when you or a loved one has to go under anastesea. I was so worried about her that my nice boss, Jenny let me bring her to work for a few hours so I could watch her. She was so cute with her purple cone, but she hated it.
I remember one time Mark and I were sitting in the living room (at our old apartment) and we couldn't figure out what Roxy was doing. She loved looking out the patio door to watch the neighors pass by, but she also wanted to play with us. So she took headgehog and made him do his share of being watchdog to watch the neighbors, so she could play with us. Headgehog was hidden between the blinds facing our patio with his nose sticking out. She had angled him so well that it really did look like he was playing watchdog.
I got teased by several of our friends over the fact that I would dress Roxy up (and now Hero too). She was so cute how could you not. and She acutally liked it. I know think I'm crazy, but she always got so excited for dress up time. We also usually made her Halloween costumes because after the first year of Halloween with her it was too expensive for her tiny costume.
We used to take Roxy everywhere because she was an only dog at the time, and she was so little and friendly. She went to work with me to visit everyone, to the store, to our parents houses. Every where we went she went. I remember our first Christmas with her we took her over to Cheryl's (Mark's mom) to open presents. She was trying to be a daredevil and jumped from Cheryls arms into Davids arms, and missed. She hit the hardwood floor and just lay there whimpering. I was so terrified, I mean who was going to be open on Christmas to help us with her. But after 5 minutes she jumped up and started playing again. She just had gotten the wind knocked out of her. She loved Christmas because not only did she always get bones and toys but also she got to play in the paper.
2011 Christmas
Later we moved out of our apartment and got our house. This is also when we got Hero. We had to take Roxy to meet Hero before we could adopt him. They got along so well. They were best friends. They were always looking for each other, kissing each other, snuggling. Our family was complete for now. We had our precious baby girl and our snuggly little boy.
She had an eye allergy at one point, where she had to go to the vet. It looked awful. It was this little bump by her eye, and the vet said he thought that she had just scraped it somehow. Mark and I were so worried that she was getting sick, but the Vet asured us that she was fine and in great health. The vets always said how good of health she was in, except for her double canines and that she was getting a little pudgy. Roxy did love to eat. From her training classes she got a lot of treats.
Roxy was always so friendly, and loved people. She was always willing to share kisses with someone, and only barked if she wanted to play. She was so brave and loved other dogs. I remember one time at PetSmart when there were two large St. Benards and she just went up to them stood on her back feet to give them kisses. Once they would sniff her though she would lay on her back and "surrender" She loved playing. Headgehog, monkey, and purse were her favorite toys. She was also so cute in front of the camera. Often times when I just wanted to take pictures I would use her a test model. Like if I got a new prop or just got an idea. She always was so cooperative and stayed still.
I'm sorry Roxy for yelling at you in the morning because you wanted to get up whereas I wanted to sleep in. I'm sorry for getting frusterated with you when you couldn't make up your mind wheather you wanted to be inside or outside. This morning was so quiet without you. There was another dog that woke us up at 6:20, which made us get upset because we missed you. The house is so lonely without you. Hero is tyring hard to comfort me for you, but I can't help but cry everytime I think of you (which is a lot).
Yesterday started off like any other day. We got up like usual and went off to work. I came home and let the dogs out. Both dogs were perky and being their usual selves. I fed them, gave them water, and played their game of indecisiveness of being outside or not. Usually Roxy hated being outside because she would get so hot. Hero on the otherside always loves being outside. So yesterday Hero came inside to snuggle with me, and Roxy decided to sniff outside. This wasn't necessarily unusal so I wasn't worried. Roxy came to the door, whining like usual. I let her in and she ran right to the other side of the couch. That wasn't unusal, that was her hiding spot. I called her name, and she didn't come. I just thought ok well she's being a turd today. I then started to hear her panting really loud (over the TV), so that was louder than usual but like I said I just thought she was still warm and brushed it off. Roxy had a habit of benig a drama queen when she got hot. So than she started to come out of hiding and I could hear her throwing up. (Unfortunately this happens occassionally when you're a dog owner). It wasn't unsual for Roxy to throw up on occassion. Sometimes if she ate too fast, or started eating the grass she would throw up. So I got up to pick her up and put her in the kitchen. I saw the big mess that she made (don't worry Roxy I'm not mad at you for that) and I put her in the kitchen. When I picked her up she kind of felt a little limp, but I just thought ok she just doesn't feel good. Once I put her on the kitchen floor she collapsed and spread all of her legs out. This was unusual for her. I thought well maybe she got dehydrated so I tried to get her water. She didn't budge. Meanwhile I'm starting to clean up the carpet- which didn't come out very well. Than I call Mark, because he was due home any minute. When he got home, Roxy would usually get so excited to see her daddy it was ridiculous. Not yesterday. She just laid there, didn't even look up. Mark went over to her and picked her up, once again being limp/weak. He told me her tummy was cold. I thought well maybe its because she was on the cold floor. She had throw up in her fur. So we thought well lets give her a bath, clean her up, and snuggle with her. I picked her up, and her tummy was squishy instead of being solid. She fell right into my hands. I put her in the sink and she collapsed... not being able to stand on her own. This was when I knew something was up with her. I looked at Mark and started crying. He called the vet (thankfully our vet is 24 hours) and he said bring her in just in case. On the way to the vet (maybe a 15 minute drive) Roxy laid limp in my lap, her breathing slowing, her tummy still cold, and her eyes kept rolling in the back of her head. I started shaking her and yelling at her to wake up. So then she would wake up and just look at me, still barely breathing. The whole time I'm thinking please don't die on me please don't die. She struggled so hard to not to fall asleep. We go to the vet and handed her right over, she was in critical condition. Within 10 minutes she was gone. They came in and asked us if we wanted them to try and revive her. That would range anywhere from $1200-$1500 (we had to make a decision right then on the spot) and even then it wouldn't guarantee that she would come back. Or how long she would live. If they were able to bring her back she would be closely watched, on medication, and in the hospital for a few days. Mark and I had this conversation regarding Hero because he has a joint problem that could lead up to a $2k surgery. We always said if it came down to it being that expensive we couldn't go through with it. No matter how much we loved them, at the end of the day they were a dog.
Poor Mark, here his wife is hystirical and his dog just died. I looked at him, and couldn't say the words. I told Mark to make the decision, I knew what it needed to be I just couldn't feel like we gave up on her. Ultimately we both ended up saying it. The hardest moment in my life. The vet came in to talk to us and was so apologetic, and we asked what happened. He said he didn't know. I think that's the worst part. I have no idea if it was some thing that could have been prevented, or how to prevent it in the future. He said that when he felt her stomach, he thought internal bleeding- but there was none. We asked if her stomach could have turned (like in Marley and Me) and he said that doesn't happen in little dogs. He asked us if she could have gotten into any toxins or poisons. Mark and I have an enclosed yard, our bushes are mainly uprised- and nothing that would kill a dog anyway. WE don't have mice, so there was no mouse/rat poison in the house. Like I said she was fine, and than bam in 10 mins she was very sick. The vet said well she could have gotten stung or swallowed a bee. Which we do occassionally get bees. Or someone threw something over the fence and she got into it. Mark and I searched the yard and still have not found anything.
The thing that angers me the most and makes me so upset, is she was young dog and she was so healthy. We have no answers as to how.... and that's so frusterating. Roxy and Hero are my kids, I can't even imagine what this feels like when you lose a birth child. I'm so heartbroken, and I feel like a piece of me is gone. Mark and I have both lost loved ones. Mark's grandfather passed away almost 5 years ago, and my grandmother passed away in Feb. Both very unforuante events that we were upset about but they died of old age plus other things went wrong. I can accept my grandmother passing. She was 86 and had a lot of health issues. I can't accept that my dog passed away. That may sound so insensitive.... and I don't mean it that way. I got 24 years with my grandma, and only 4 years with one of my best friends.
I know this post may be ridiculous because there are people out there every day who lose human loved ones, sometimes expectedly and others unexpectedly. I feel a little selfish that I am grieving this much over my dog, whereas there are people in this world who are experiencing true suffering. But at this moment I am filled with deep sorrow, and am very angry as to why this happened. I can't stop thinking about her in the car and how helpless she seemed, and she was looking at me with her brown eyes. I always thought she would be a family dog for awhile and that our kids would grow up with her. It saddens me that this will never happen.
I loved Roxy so much, and I know Mark did too (if not more). She was a symbol of our family starting, and growing. We watched her from 8 weeks old until last night. We loved her, and cared for her. We spoiled her and praised her. We did everything we could for her. She would have been worth a trillion dollars... if only we had that much money to try and save her.
RIP Roxy! WE LOVE YOU!
She loved the laundry
I love and miss this face so much
The last picture we have of her.....
